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For many this will be ‘oh so familiar. Make no mistake, confidence is an important facet, it speaks loudly and quickly about you and your offer, it’s a tool we use to get others to believe in us, and it’s an effective communication device. Others warm to confident people and are more likely to engage.
Not having confidence can be crippling, it can mean very often missing out, losing out, being overlooked or being ignored completely. But, and this should be recognised and accepted, ‘overconfidence’ can be interpreted as arrogance, and arrogance is rarely an attractive trait.
So, we believe in our business, our offer, our product etc but … we’re not confident. What can we do about this?
Confidence comes from within … and if within we’re not confident, very quickly this will show.
Firstly and fundamentally, whatever your offer is, be it a service, an idea, a product or simply you, it is absolutely essential that YOU believe in it.
You cannot begin to hope that others will believe and have confidence in you if you don’t absolutely believe it yourself. To do this you must KNOW your product, service etc completely.
When you know your offer inside out, you are fully equipped to be able to answer nearly every question that will be levelled at you.
When you are able to respond quickly and comprehensively, your audience will feel confident in you. Oh and I say ‘nearly every question’. That’s because, someone will have a question either designed to throw you off guard or they will have an angle peculiar to their specific needs.
Never let these questions throw you. Simply reply “that’s an interesting question, and, I don’t have the answer today, but I will make a note of it and will get an answer for you by tomorrow”.
That’s not a failing or a get out, it’s a professional and acceptable response. But ensure that you DO FOLLOW UP. This is acting from integrity (being professional) which IS an attractive trait that is slowly being eroded in today's busy life, and can be the early undoing of a potentially positive outcome, relationship, sale, business endeavour.
So what does this tell us? Basically that confidence is a state of mind. Confidence is built from inner belief, certainty and experience. If you know what you’re talking about, then you will carry authority through your body language and actions.
Once you have demonstrated your own understanding of your offer, you will enjoy the acceptance and admiration (buy in) of your audience. This is indeed its own reward and only goes on to propel your personal sense of confidence (self perpetuating positivity).
There are many ways that you can and should add to your personal armoury to improve your confidence. Although some may seem obvious, they are all worthwhile and valid tools that you should use to hone your ‘inner self’.
Dress smartly and/or appropriately:
This not only shows respect for yourself but for your audience. Dressing well also boosts our own self-esteem, this in turn leads to a more confident attitude. However, if your circumstances demand it, such as your audience is on a farm or a beach, wear appropriate attire. Again this demonstrates to your audience that you are aware of their surroundings and have shown thought and consideration in your preparation.
Challenge:
Don’t simply accept facts as presented to you. If you feel uncomfortable with something being told to you, politely explain your concerns and ask for an explanation and source of this detail. This shows that you are engaging fully in the conversation and have thought about the wider implications at hand. If the person you are speaking with has confidence in their offer, they will happily explain their position or offer to find an answer for you.
Focus on your strengths and set personal goals:
Understand why you're good at what you do. Recognise your skill sets and experience that you are bringing to the role. It might be that you’re launching your own venture, then you will at the very least be bringing a keen interest and unfettered enthusiasm to the role. Believe in these assets that you have already.
Set goals for yourself, both short term and long term, small and big. This way you can measure your own progression. When you see a pattern of growth, this can offer a massive confidence boost. It can also be the beginnings of a successful, repeatable and sustainable process. A tried and trusted approach to goal setting and achieving is given in ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’ by Stephen R. Covey, page 180.
Body Language:
Recognise that your peers often have travelled a similar path to the one you find yourself on. Watch and absorb their body language, whilst not deliberately aping their physical movements, notice the eye contact, the smile, the swiftness to offer a handshake. The polite actions they employ to put their audience at ease. If this subject is of interest you could explore methods such as Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) established in the 1970's in California by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, watch the approach taken by the Ted Talk presenters, or simply develop your own AUTHENTIC charm.
Leave your comfort zone:
Deliberately move outside of this zone and focus upon widening and honing your skills. It might be that you have been asked to make a speech in public to a large group; start off by making a speech to your own small group of colleagues or friends. Invite criticism, don’t be afraid to make mistakes, we all do. Regular practice will build your skill set and massively improve your self-confidence. Practice, Practice, Practice.
Self-realisation:
Whilst you will make mistakes, try not to be overly critical. Accept advice and move on. Too much ‘navel-gazing' will only result in self doubt. Accept that this is a marathon, not a sprint and adjust your stride accordingly. As your confidence grows so will your horizons and you will see clearly that the World is your oyster.
If this subject is of interest, you may be interested in the self actualisation model ‘Maslow's hierarchy of needs’ an idea put forward by American psychologist Abraham Maslow in his 1943 paper "A Theory of Human Motivation".
Hobbies:
Whether it be walking, riding, singing, surfing, exercise in general or more inward pursuits such as reading or Yoga - if it is fun, interesting, rewarding … carry on.
Why do you enjoy it, what does it give you, how does it make you feel? Often these aspects can be the bedrock of building confidence and the answers to these questions can be developed and transferred directly and/or indirectly to other areas of your life.
If you would like to talk through any of these points, please connect…
A little aside, the development of self confidence is rarely detrimented, but most often complimented by practice…
‘Failing to plan is planning to fail’
If you have more ideas and approaches to build confidence, I would love to hear them, please schedule a call or connect directly